I Will Keep You Protected
by loveyousox3
Summary: Kalinda didn't know the work was meant for Peter. Set somewhere mid season 3.


**A/N:** Yay! First work into Kalicia's beautiful world. For too much time I only read yours. I hope this is good! It definitely felt like that while I was writing it. But ouch, I don't have a beta, so I'm sorry for any mistakes! x Mel

Always collected. That's how things worked for Kalinda. Ever since she first met Alicia, she knew she would regret her mistakes on the beginning of their friendship. Hiding the truth. Not being able to open up completely to the one person she cared about. But that was just how things worked in her life, since she decided to change everything based on how silly she thought _Leela_ had been. She was born as a fighter, but had made too many things Kalinda now regretted about. So that was the price to pay, not trusting anyone, even knowing someone could be worth it.

No one was worth it. People left. People betrayed and hurt her in the worst ways. Kalinda had a line to use in all her relationships: when they were over, she backed off. She'd be polite, do small talk if she had to, but she'd move on. No matter who it was. There were a lot of other people out there she could get anything it was she wanted from, and didn't need to humiliate herself for free.

So when Alicia had told her to leave her office after discovering what she had done, Kalinda didn't want to move. She didn't want to because leaving Alicia never crossed her mind. None of that was supposed to be happening; she wanted to _crush_ Blake Calamar with her own hands for it. She didn't want to leave because it would mean she couldn't come back, she'd draw the line and Alicia would certainly help her to stay away. What she wanted to do in that moment was to hug Alicia tight, cry in her shoulder, let her know she was the most important thing in her life (and that was a lot to say). But then Alicia had said she would scream at the top of her lungs for everyone to hear if Kalinda didn't leave, and that was when she realized it was truly over. There wasn't anything else she could do.

So she had lingered in the spot for a moment, and left. She still remembered how her legs wanted to give in and fall to the floor in the middle of the Lockhart/Gardner floor. Kalinda didn't understand when the days passed and she still felt the same way towards Alicia, which never happened before. She still wanted to protect her, she wanted to help her in ways that would solve cases and give her less work. She would do anything, if given the permission, to make things better. And that made Kalinda scared of herself like she hadn't been for years.

The nights didn't exactly help too. She tossed and turned in her own bed almost every night, wondering if Alicia was safe, if she was happy, if the affair with Will made her feel complete. She thought about all their memories again and again, trying to find a moment where she could possibly have told Alicia about her night with Peter. It was foolish. She wanted to grab her phone in the middle of the night when sobs attacked her and message Alicia, say something, anything.

But she knew an answer would never come, and it would make things even worse for them at work. Kalinda's number of one-night stands had also decreased considerably, and she tried not to think about it. She couldn't miss human contact all the time. She couldn't crave empty feelings when all she wanted couldn't even face her.

So she wore make up every day and with it came her natural mask, the usual smile, and her promptitude to work harder than anyone else at the firm. So when Eli Gold put her to do some investigating and she discovered it was for Peter Florrick, Kalinda automatically felt disgusted, but she also surprised herself by turning it down saying she was busy with other work. That day, Kalinda watched Alicia from afar during the time the older woman was around. She found out she loved Alicia's face, the way her lips pursed when she was confused about a case or tired, as if holding her words.

She wasn't expecting to be so protective.

A few days passed and it was around 9 when Kalinda knocked on Alicia's apartment door. She hoped Alicia wouldn't be there, and then she could pretend she had tried hard enough and leave. But with no such luck, when she was turning around for the elevator the door opened. And Alicia looked at her, stunned.

"Is everything ok with the case?" Alicia asked, and Kalinda tried her best to remain calm.

"I'm not doing any work for Peter that Eli asks of me." She said, a serious tone to her voice. "I just wanted to let you know."

"Oh–kay." Alicia tilted her head.

"I don't want to interrupt your evening. Good night, Alicia." Kalinda took a step back, giving half a smile.

"Hey." Alicia called out again. "Kalinda. Are you okay?"

"I just want to make things easier." Kalinda looked down to her hands, bringing her eyes back to see the change in Alicia's face, which was frozen. "I don't feel okay at all with this situation."

Alicia thought about it for a moment. Kalinda was glaring at her when she spoke again. "Grace and Zach are out, if you want to come in."

"You don't have to be nice." Kalinda practically couldn't hold her sob, but she couldn't break down there.

"No…" Alicia rubbed her eyes sighing, thinking of how impossible this looked. She had never seen Kalinda emotional before. "Come in."

Alicia didn't know what to say then, when Kalinda closed the door behind her. She felt like Kalinda would never betray her again, but she also felt like a fool for thinking that. She should block out people that hurt her.

They moved to the couch. Alicia noticed she wasn't angry anymore after so many months, but she didn't say anything. She patiently waited instead.

"I'm dismantled."

How was it her facial expression stayed so still even in situations like this?

Alicia noticed the bags under Kalinda's eyes and for once believed her. Her heart immediately pounded faster, skipping a beat.

"I've come to hate myself for I did to our friendship."

"Don't." Alicia closed her eyes for a brief second. "I can't hear about this."

"Why not?" Kalinda asked, now desperate.

"Because… I just can't, Kalinda. I'm not gonna know how to look at you. I won't be able to say no to you."

"What?" Kalinda whispered under her breath, not quite believing her ears.

"I can't stand to see you hurt." Alicia couldn't believe her own words. She laid her head back on the couch.

Kalinda started to cry silently. She wanted to show everything now, or else she would never do it, even if it meant to feel like an idiot later. To regret opening up. So she cried. And she cried so silently that she didn't see any movement on the other side of the sofa, until she reached for Alicia's hand. She covered it with her own and desperately runned her thumb over it.

Alicia moved her head to the side to look at her and jumped a little when she noticed Kalinda was crying. She didn't move her hand, but her eyes looked the saddest.

Kalinda wiped away her tears and decided this wasn't good, getting up to leave.

"No." Alicia demanded, pulling at the fingers that only breaths ago were resting on hers. "Sit back."

Kalinda did, always afraid of that seriousness within Alicia.

"I believe you." Alicia said, moving closer. "I believe you, Kalinda."

Then she did something Kalinda would never expect before gathering courage to come here: Alicia wrapped her in her arms. Possessively.

"Don't hurt me again."

Kalinda denied with her head touching Alicia's chest, holding her close. _No, no, I would never do that. _She thought.

Alicia was tired of fighting, of not seeing her, of the angry looks she had thrown at her colleague for so long. She stroked Kalinda's cheek, and they didn't move much for minutes.

Then Kalinda pulled back so she could look at Alicia. She truly smiled, pulling the manicured hands to her lips. She kissed them in different spots, making Alicia shiver quietly. They just looked at each other while Kalinda moved her mouth, trying to be the most respectful she could. She kissed Alicia's wrists, her fingers.

"I'm sorry." Kalinda laughed when she thought about the absurdity of the movements. "I'm just kind of desperate."

It felt like a weight had been relieved from her shoulders.

"I missed you too, Kalinda." Alicia smiled, moving closer again. "I'm just surprised to see you so carnal."

She didn't realize the effect that those words could have before saying them. And when she did, Alicia had to swallow hard looking at Kalinda's dark orbs.

"I should go."

"Stop talking, you're not going anywhere." Alicia almost smirked for her own response, but she knew where she was getting at.

"I'm gonna do something wrong if I don't, Alicia."

Alicia faced her, and moved her face closer, breathing in Kalinda's scent. Her nose almost touching the other's, she smiled again. "You've wanted this for a while. I'm not gonna stop you."

So Kalinda kissed her, even if it felt like she was dreaming. She kissed Alicia's lips, once, twice, three times, before Alicia responded. Carefully, with full lips. Then Alicia got up on Kalinda's lap, and parted her lips so she could feel what for years she thought about. How it would have been. Kalinda tasted sweet, never rushing, and devoured Alicia's lips with her tongue. The hold on her was strong, bringing their bodies together, longing all over her grip. Alicia gave her what she needed, caressing Kalinda's cheek tenderly.

When Kalinda stopped, she rested her head on Alicia's shoulder. She kissed her there too, and then felt her chest tighten, a flood of emotions held back. Alicia looked down and kissed the corner of her lips.

"Of all the things I could do, not saying anything and going forward with this isn't one of them."

"You're crazy." Alicia smiled. "Is that what you usually do?"

"Yes."

Their position didn't help, but neither did Alicia. Her eyes were gleaming darker by the seconds, asking for more.

"Can I at least take you on a date?" Kalicia asked biting her lip. _Dates_ were definitely not her thing.

"Um… Okay." Alicia nodded, surprised with the invitation. The smile wouldn't leave her lips.

"What about Will?"

She bent down and kissed Kalinda again. "I want you."


End file.
